


Renegades

by HelgaHeason



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Character Study, Character studies, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Humour, M/M, Original Character(s), Other, Songfic(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 19:26:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17065661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelgaHeason/pseuds/HelgaHeason
Summary: A series of connected oneshots, based on the lyrics to "Heroes", performed by Mans Zelmerlow as Sweden's winning Eurovision 2016 entry.Or:I miss Team Torchwood and so I decided to create these oneshots for the team.





	Renegades

**Author's Note:**

> You can listen to "Heroes" here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nbq6Ur103Q
> 
> Meet Prince Omega Phi'Achi'Kor, of the Niabarsi!  
> What do Team Torchwood think, and what do you think?
> 
> And just what did Jack do this time..>?

**_Don't tell the gods I left a mess_ **

 

Jack entered the Hub, shaking and soaking wet in equal measures. He looked a bit like a drowned rat, but at least, like he'd said a few times, he wouldn't get pregnant. Ianto's face when he'd casually mentioned that after walking in sopping wet a few months ago had been hysterical. It was halfway between "what in the actual hell" and "cool, but why do I need to know?". This time, though, the team were all out weevil-hunting. With the exception of Owen, who was snoring on the sofa, completely dead to the world. Jack had to hold back a snigger when he made that joke in his head. He shrugged off his coat, and sat down on the opposing sofa, the one that didn't have an undead doctor snoring on it. But what did he tell the team when they got back? How did he tell them that he may or may not have triggered an interplanetary war between the humans and the... Whatever they were called. Niabarsi, or something? They were fish people, that's all Jack knew. With massive fins on their arms and heads and legs, and scales everywhere, and those tridents - their golden three-pronged spears were built to kill, that was obvious. And all of the beings holding said tridents were at the very least six foot tall, probably taller. Jack didn't think they were ones for subtlety. Although, the one Niabarsi he'd spoken to - Prince Omega Phi'Achi'Kor, or something like that, had been rather skittish and flighty, and probably just hoped he'd scare Jack off by intimidation via his looks. It was a good attempt, but it had only really made the time agent feel a little hot and bothered.

Ianto and Gwen made it back shortly after Jack had finished drinking his fifth coffee (he couldn't make coffee for shit, and instead just left Ianto to it), both also shaking and soaking wet. Unlike their Captain, though, they'd had the sense to take waterproof coats. They both shrugged their coats off, and Gwen went off to find some new clothes, while Ianto merely examined the damage Jack had done to the coffee machine (which wasn't much, because this time he remembered to clean up afterward), and shrugged.  
"So..." He said, slowly.  
Jack gulped.  
"OK, look, I didn't know that telling their rather weedy looking Prince that he was hot would cause a war. And also, I didn't know he was a Prince." He blurted.  
Ianto blinked.  
"I was going to say that we couldn't actually catch the weevil, and that you did OK with the coffee this time, but..." He paused, and sighed. "You caused a war?".  
"If it helps, they live in a different galaxy." Jack added, hopefully.  
Gwen walked back in at the precise moment Ianto had said 'you caused a war', and dropped her phone. She retrieved it while the Captain and his Welshman continued conversing, and then joined in the conversation, more outraged than Ianto's quiet exasperation.  
"You caused a **war**?" She shrieked. Somehow that didn't wake Owen up.  
Jack held up a hand.  
"Their Prince was extremely weedy and really skittish, so I don't think they'll actually go through with it. Plus they live in a different galaxy." He answered.  
"But still, a war..." Ianto said, in quiet contemplation. "Who did you start it with?".  
Jack turned toward him.  
"The Niabarsi, I think they said they were called. Fish people. I mean proper fishy. Like the blowfish, but... Not high." He replied.  
Both Ianto and Gwen looked blank. Neither recognised the name, but that was only to be expected.

"I heard from a certain fishy prince that you started a war." Tosh said, without any preamble, upon walking back into the Hub and seeing Jack.  
Jack stopped fiddling with the Hub's security settings and turned to face his friend.  
"Yep." He said, popping the 'p'. "Are you suddenly buddy-buddy with him?".  
Tosh snorted, and began altering the settings that Jack had gotten wrong.  
"No. He just wanted to say he's sorry that his people overreacted, and that you're not too bad looking yourself." She answered.  
Jack frowned.  
"So he really is a coward. Find his galaxy, send a message or something. Get his servant to slap him in the face." He said, grumbling a little.  
Tosh didn't look up, and instead pointed to the common room area.  
"Slap him yourself, he arrived with me." was all she said, and Jack didn't need to be told twice.

When Jack was expecting to see Omega in the Hub, he wasn't expecting his odd aqua skin to have gotten greener, nor his scales to have gotten shinier, nor his trident to be more gold and sparkling where the light hit it, nor those yellow eyes to have gotten more piercing. He felt oddly vulnerable. Omega's golden armour glinted in the light as he moved to greet Jack, while Owen seemed _fascinated_ with Omega's trident. Gwen couldn't stop staring at the scales and fins and armour, and Ianto just looked like he'd seen weirder. Which he had.  
"Ca, cuh, ca-ca-captain." Omega said, flushing a strange blue. "My apologies for the, ah, extreme overreaction of my people. The King has called off the war.".  
Jack smiled. He couldn't find it in him to be angry at the charming young prince.  
"You are forgiven." He answered.  
Omega's face immediately burst into a relieved grin, and he hugged Jack.  
"Oh, thank you!" He said, and then pulled back. "You may be wondering what I'm doing in your galaxy...".  
Owen nodded from near them.  
"I also want to know why your trident is made of titanium, when you're not of this planet." He said, and Omega laughed.  
"Well, where I come from - Hermes Minor - the Captain here is somewhat of an urban myth. I set out to find him, and along the way, a human swordsman made this for me, with a metal very similar to titanium. It's called Sapanium, after the species that made it. Homo sapiens, which is human, which you lot are, right?" Omega explained, and everyone nodded.  
Jack paled upon hearing 'Hermes Minor', but didn't say anything.  
"Anyway, I wanted to join the Captain here and help him with whatever it was that he was doing - because the universe is a very dark place when you're alone - but he told me I look hot and I lost the ability to think." Omega finished. "So... I'll hold off my people, for as long as you'll have me?".  
They all nodded, before turning to Jack with puppy eyes.  
"Alright. Fine by me." Jack said, and they all cheered. He leaned into Omega slightly, and said, quietly, "Hermes Minor?".  
Omega nodded, and any colour left in Jack's face abandoned ship.

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the fic comes from the song "Renegades" by X Ambassadors, which you can listen to here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j741TUIET0
> 
> Yes, Omega and his people (the Niabarsi) will be important in future chapters.  
> No, they are not canonical characters within Doctor Who or Torchwood.  
> "Niabarsi" is pronounced "nee-ah-barsee".
> 
> This chapter was just an introduction to Omega, so I'm sorry it isn't that great.


End file.
